second marriage with kids

Just Got Engaged – Second Marriage Next Steps, Dos and Don’ts

You just said yes, Congratulations on your engagement. Everyone will be so happy for you and everyone will have something they want to share. That’s why my best advice to newly engaged couples is “have a plan – how to plan your wedding” before you pop the question. Here are my top four dos and don’ts.

Advice for the newly engaged couple from one of Chicago’s best loved wedding officiants & day coordinator.

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Don’t post anything on social media until you have told the family.

Do try to tell as many people in person as possible and do it right away.

CHILDREN It shouldn’t be surprising to learn that about half of my wedding couples have children from a previous relationship. If you have children, it’s best to share the news with them as soon as you get engaged, together with your fiancé.  It will take them time to process what this will mean for them personally, and they will have questions. Take a day or two to work through the family before you tell the world, you sure don’t want to risk having somebody congratulate you in front of your children before you’ve told them.


Don’t compare your future wedding to your last one. Don’t mention it.

Do create a wedding that is perfect for you. Get the kids and family involved.

Current wedding trends lean toward small down-sized weddings with stress free wedding planning and a casual intimate wedding theme. If you had a big church wedding the first time you got married and don’t want to do that big shindig again… totally understandable, but don’t compare. You set a tone every time you mention the “last time”. Just guide the direction to the things you would like to see and experience this time! Speak about the positive and if there is something you don’t want to “repeat” you can just say, no. instead of reminding everyone what you did last time. This is a perfect time to get the families together, friends united and enjoy the actual “engagement” status. Take some time and get use to the idea before you start planning the wedding. Discuss ways you can get the children involved in the ceremony (more then ring bearer or flower girl). and add blending or unity rituals in your wedding ceremony to symbolize you “ALL” becoming one. Even include your parents.


Don’t wear a ring that doesn’t fit.

Do get it insured right away.

Unless you gave your exact ring size, the ring is not going to be the right size.  Take it in right away, and while your waiting for the ring, get it insured and get the family told. The ring sizing will only take a few days and it’s a great way to take a day to plan your public announcement to friends and social media and do the ring-selfie. Otherwise you could end up losing or damaging your engagement ring or your finger.


Don’t Invite Any Guests.

Do set your wedding budget.

Everyone gets caught up in the excitement of getting engaged. And until you know what you really want to pay for your wedding, don’t make the guest list. Try to keep things vague. Avoid making any open invitations right now. Tell everyone you will probably be doing something small and intimate to stop people from inviting themselves. Especially work colleagues, extended family or old friends who might not make the guest list. You need to sit down with your fiancé and figure out who is contributing, how much they can contribute, and what your total budget will be. Then you can easily determine how many guests, and the wedding date, by how long it will take you to pay for the wedding. Once you are here you can start shopping for a venue and planning your big day.

Article by IL Wedding Officiant, Rev Pam Chicago Illinois.

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5Star & Award winning this wedding officiant coined the phrase “Your Wedding YOUR Way” Travels 5 states to perform ceremony or couples wishing to elope or have a small proivate ceremony can get married in the Rev's provate home, Pine Manor. 1920's charm and suburban hospitality, the property has a romantic garden ceremony reception area for up to 30. Same Sex and All denominations welcomed since... 'ALWAYS!"